Take Control of Your Life
Humans are so complicated. Just as soon as I feel like I have someone or a situation figured out, it changes drastically.
I read “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” recently and it was surprisingly eye opening. It takes an approach of simplicity. It breaks situations down into things that we can understand and move forward from.
I have this quote that I made up, “Hey, it’s Life, here are some lemons.” To me this means, do what you will with these lemons and whatever you choose is what you can be proud of, thankful for, and take responsibility for.
Let’s get mad but tell no one why
I have been in complicated workplaces, and I have a complicated family. I know I’m not alone in this. But as a back story, I have 3 older sisters. Need I say more? Conflict is part of my life and part of my family. Being the youngest, there was no period of blissful time that I wasn’t exposed to conflict. Now, this isn’t a “poor me” blog post, because I know I’m not alone, and I also know I could have had it much worse.
Something I keep running into is conflict sourced from nothing. It comes out of thin air. Someone can get upset about something and you have no idea why. Some sort of idea or assumption has been suppressed in that person for so long that it explodes. This isn’t only evident in families, but at work as well.
I’d say 60% of the time people quit their job, the employer doesn’t know the exact reason why. It’s an explosion that comes out of nowhere. Little does everyone know that it can be stopped, diffused and avoided.
Take responsibility and move the fuck on
Time and time again we blame others for how we’re feeling. Where does that get anyone? We can’t make someone feel bad for making us sad or upset. Holding onto the anger that your boss is sexist, that your mom and dad didn’t do enough for you growing up, that your partner should pitch in cleaning more won’t change the fact that the problem exists. Being mad doesn’t solve anything. It’s an important emotion, but the action that it leads to is far more important.
To reiterate:
Holding onto the anger won’t change the fact that the problem exists.
Dealing with anger and moving on from it is extremely uncomfortable but it HELPS. That being said, there is a massive amount of people that prefer to be angry. It’s not the most sustainable or productive way to live but I can’t change what those people want.
That’s the point right there,
We can’t change people, we can only change ourselves. The uncomfortable part of the process is taking responsibility.
Take responsibility
Imagine this: You’re furious with your boss because you deserve a raise and he/she hasn’t offered you one.
Now think about it like this; how the heck is your boss supposed to know you need or want a raise when you haven’t asked? As far as your boss knows, you’re comfortable at your current salary.
It takes verbalizing the uncomfortable things we want for action to be taken. People cannot read each other’s minds. Passive-aggressive behaviour rarely results in what we’re hoping for. More often than not, it results in the opposite of what is wanted.
If you’re furious your boss won’t give you a raise, then you have to take responsibility for the fact that you haven’t asked for one.
“It takes two to tango”
You’re caught in a dance of resentment towards someone or something and they have absolutely no idea that you feel that way. How is someone supposed to feel bad when they have no idea what you’re thinking?
Take control of how you’re feeling and take action
You can blame the world for making you this way, but that doesn’t change the fact that you remain the same way. If you accept the responsibility that you also shape who you are, then you give yourself the power you need to change.
We cannot change others and how they treat us. If you’re getting bullied at work and can’t stand up for yourself, then how is the bully supposed to understand that they need to stop?
(Obviously, bullying isn’t good in any situation but I digress)
This isn’t to say that you should take responsibility for other people’s actions. It’s about recognizing yourself, what YOU did, and what YOU can change.