I haven’t spoken about this openly… ever. For the past 2 years, I’ve been the breadwinner for me and my fiancé.

In the summer of 2019, we made the decision for him to go back to school in January 2020 to finish his degree. I had a stable job, made enough to support us, and I was excited by his ambition. Thankfully, my excitement for his accomplishments hasn’t wavered. He’s in school to become an engineer which I admire.

But then I got fired.

There were budget cuts in the company I worked for and they chose to cut back on the marketing department. I was unemployed for 2 months. It was a weird 2 months. I was restless, and at the start of my unemployment, I was very very sad. A few weeks in, I started to piece myself back together. I started taking my dog for long walks on local trails. I tasked my partner and me to host our Thanksgiving meal for the first time. And I also created a website. I started a blog that I didn’t know what I was going to do with but it set me down a new path of opportunity. After using my website to showcase my marketing portfolio, I found a job. Then I quit and found a better job. Then I quit that job and became self-employed.

My reason for becoming self-employed is a heavy topic. Basically, 5 of the jobs I had from the ages of 20 to 23, were unsupportive environments. I desperately wanted to work somewhere I was comfortable. Doesn’t seem like an absurd request, does it?

Since becoming self-employed, the ‘breadwinner’ role has rested heavily on my heart. At the beginning of many months this year I felt a surge of panic. I needed to meet my income goal so that I could pay for our expenses. By no means did I need to be as stressed as I was, but when it comes to money and supporting a loved one, it’s hard to think rationally. It wasn’t until the end of summer that I realized...

If I act in a way that brings in clients, then the clients will come.
If I position myself as an expert, my audience will see me that way.
And if I stress about money, I’ll probably feel like I’m never making enough of it.

I wouldn’t say that I’m fully past all of the anxiety that comes with being a breadwinner. I still have to support my partner for another 1.5 years (just realized we’re over halfway done being a single-income household, yay). But I’m beginning to have faith in the process. As woowoo as that sounds.

Money goes where energy flows. So I’m tapping into my creative energy.

Here’s to the weird woowoo things that business owners lean into for guidance. Thank fucking goodness for them.

I wanted to share this little bit about me in the case that anyone is in the same boat, or if anyone needs a little push to have faith in the results that WILL come. I’m able to be successful at what I do in advertising because I believe so strongly in my clients’ messaging. I believe in their offer. I hold value to their offer. So who’s to say I can’t believe just as strongly in my offer and have the faith that clients, an audience, and results will come?

Instead of feeling pressure to make money being a breadwinner, I choose to have faith in the process.

What stress-inducing belief is keeping you from growing?

Reply and let me know if any of this resonated with you. I love reading your emails!

Luan 💜

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